He said
If you don't know what we mean when we say "strange noises," like I didn't when it was first mentioned, you may want to make a Canadian trip to YouTube and search that term to experience what other people around the world are hearing from their backyards.
In the videos, it sounds like the Earth is groaning, like it's had enough of this funny business and just wants to destroy itself because that's a reasonable thing to do this year. As some people might warn you, this phenomenon is a sure sign of the apocalypse.
Of course these sounds mean the world is breaking apart and the end is nigh. What other reasonable explanation could there be?
As one of the videos pointed out, they are not making any money off advertising, so there is no reason for them to create such a video if they weren't warning the rest of the world of the impending doom that is to come.
A report from thestar.com-not to be confused with the website for the Toronto Star that tries to hold some sort of journalistic standard-noted that the peculiar noises were heard during the nights of Jan. 11 and 12 in places from Budapest, Hungary to Conklin Alberta. Other videos of the noises have been posted across the country from places like The Pas, Thunder Bay and Montreal. Two things are clear: Canadians really can't get enough YouTube, and we have wild imaginations.
Some say the rumblings come from the very heart of the Earth, while others say the sound comes from the sky. These people are split into two groups: those who like the original War of the Worlds, in which the aliens invade from space, and those who prefer the Steven Spielberg-Tom Cruise mashup, with the alien invasion coming from beneath the planet's surface.
Others suggest the sounds come from HAARP, a U.S.-run project out of Alaska that studies the ionosphere. While the government wants you to think HAARP stands for High Frequency Acitve Auroral Research Program, in reality, it is more accurately de-anagrammed as the Human-Alien Attempted Relationship Program. The government isn't fooling anybody.
For those of you who aren't conspiracy theorists, or truthers as they like to be called now, open your eyes. The world is crumbling all around us.
She said
What are the strange sounds being heard around the world?
Quite simply, those sounds are the heavens signalling the end of the world.
I was told today that something in the Bible says that the sky will trumpet and we'll all die in eternal fire. Or something along those lines.
So after hearing the noises coming from the skies in Alberta, the Czech Republic and other locations around the world, I can only say that I'm absolutely afraid for my life. It's completely clear to me that there is only one possible answer, and that is that our world is about to end.
After all, people have been calling for the end of the world a lot lately, and one of them is bound to be right one of these days.
Remember when it was all going to end last May? Ya, that was super frightening. I was scared to leave my house for days. And then May passed and I believed, once again, that everything was great and resumed my life.
And then there was all that news about the Mayan calendar predicting the end of the world. And for awhile, I really believed that was true. I made sure not to book events into 2013, because I knew that was pointless. But then I went to Mexico with my family, and the Mayans in the village we visited assured me that their calendar didn't actually predict the end of the world, and just suggested the beginning of a new cycle. So I was relieved that everything was going to be OK.
But now, now we have mystery sounds coming out of the sky. There's no calendar to predict that. And as far as I know, no religious leader stepped forward previous to the noises and claimed that revelation is upon us. So clearly these noises must be some sort of divine sign, and while I'm not exactly religious, I know when to listen to sounds that are obviously sent to us to let humankind know that the end is near.
With all that in mind, if anyone would like to find me, I'll be hiding out in a bunker at a top-secret, undisclosed location. Honestly.
