At what age do kids develop manipulation and conspiracy skills, especially when it comes to parents?
I was nine when I was introduced to the wonderful world of sibling espionage by my sister who was almost four years older.
She had just been denied something she coveted by our mother, and now, as far as she was concerned, I was at an advanced enough age where I could be used for some covert activities in the historical war that pits parents against children.
"From now on, this is how it's gonna be," she informed me, Tony Soprano style.
"You always get what you want from Mom, I never do," she declared.
I started to refute that statement with some clarifying facts, but her grip on my arm tensed and began to hurt a bit and I had learned years ago never to hit girls ... except with snowballs. So I winced and listened. I could tell by her eyes, she meant business and when older sisters mean business, you listen.
"I have Dad wrapped around my little finger, so when you need something from him, talk to me."
OK, this was now getting a little better.
"And when I need something from Mom ..."
She didn't need to finish the sentence. I was a quick learner.
And you know that little conspiracy plan worked pretty well.
I stood up for my sister Oralee on numerous occasions, pleading her case, making subtle suggestions and arguments before our mother became aware of the direct request. I was there to plant the seeds of approval and occasional forgiveness.
Sometimes though, my sister did stupid things that even I couldn't help fix, like staying out past curfew or showing up with a new boyfriend that even I didn't know about.
What's a brother to do with that?
In return, well, there was the time I needed a new baseball and the day I broke the school window and stuck my tongue out at my Grade 5 teacher. I called on her to intervene and damn ... she was so cute and convincing, I won my case although Mrs. Davies, my Grade 5 educator, I felt, never really did warm to me but I believe we got through the year with a certain degree of toleration with me providing a few extra ounces of respect that seemed to soften the situation.
Our parents separated and divorced a few years after this conspiracy pact was signed (in my blood) so the deal was obviously done.
Years later, shortly after my sister was married, she and I were sitting in the living room in her apartment in Hamilton recalling very clearly this watershed moment of our childhood while Mom was in the adjoining kitchen feeding Oralee's baby.
"It worked pretty well," my sister said, recalling the long ago and almost forgotten battles she had to wage with Mom.
We heard a chuckle coming from the kitchen, and we knew it wasn't coming from something that the baby had done, but rather from what we were talking about.
We looked at one another and burst out laughing and our mother joined in while the truth came out.
We hadn't fooled either one of them. They had talked about our silly conspiracy plan maybe about a month after we had launched it, but played along because they found it easier to manipulate us one-on-one. Our simple strategy had been trumped by an even more simple strategy. Make them think they've won and they'll be a lot less trouble.
Thirteen-year-old girls and nine-year-old boys can be really stupid at times and you know, moms and dads who pay attention, kinda know that.
