This past week marks what my sister calls my Estevanniversary, so to acknowledge the first year of my time in the Energy City I'll look at some of the top inventions or innovations the world has seen in that time.
The possessed hand is exactly what it sounds like, a way to give control of your hand over to a machine, which might be a great defence one day for some of the people I see in court on a regular basis.
The possessed hand sounds like it could do much more evil than good, but let's look first at the good. The possessed hand works by strapping on an armband with 28 electrodes, which send pulses into the joints and muscles that create involuntary finger movements. The catch is that the user no longer has control of their hand. It is completely vulnerable to the whims of the whomever controls the machine.
The good is that now anybody could play the guitar like Jimi Hendrix. Just program the armband to play a song by forcing the user to hit the proper finger positions on the fret board and voila, everyone's a rockstar. In my job, there would be no such thing as a typo, because my hands could be programmed to type the story, and I would never spell t-h-e as t-e-h ever again, unless there was a typo in the programming.
If the possessed hand got together with Watson, IBM's Jeopardy! contestant, that would be an interesting duo. Watson can think, in a manner of speaking, and the possessed hand can control people, so we really are quickly making our way toward a futuristic dystopia where robotic beings rule the world, as foretold in the Flight of the Conchords song The Humans are Dead. Luckily for them they have a corner on that listening market.
The most relaxing song in the world was created this year by Marconi Union called Weightless. It's eight minutes long and apparently reduces anxiety by 65 per cent and can lower your heart beat by 35 per cent. Check the song out on YouTube. If you listen to the song as you fall asleep every night, I'm sure in a week or so it will heal all that ails you.
Apparently police in Santa Cruz, Calif. didn't learn anything from Minority Report and have developed a system to identify when and where crimes will occur, so they can position police in the area to pre-empt the crime. I think prosecutors will find it difficult to get convictions for criminals who have not yet committed a crime, but it will be interesting the first time a case like that goes to trial.
Another innovation this year was a razor made of iridium with blades that are allegedly 5,000 times thinner than a man's facial hair. The cost of the razor is $100,000. A price like that makes me want to ignore this creation as an unmarketable and useless tool because it will not do a job that is proportionally better than a typical razor when considering the price.
I won't be able to take advantage of any of these innovations until the come on the market at a reasonable price. If I were a more anxious person I would listen to that relaxing song everyday.
I guess I will have to wait until next year to find a new invention that is ready to use. In the meantime I could call up the Estevan police and say I have a sneaking suspicion that a crime is about to take place.
