It’s easy to be tough on yourself — we tend to do it much, much more than we realize.
But what if there was a better way? When we forgive ourselves, accept our perceived flaws and show ourselves kindness, we practise self-compassion. It’s often a lot harder than it sounds, but with the right techniques, we can learn to make it a habit that sticks.
Self-compassion is a practice that you can learn that can help you battle your inner critique. Self-compassion is a concept that focused on the goal of giving compassion and validation towards yourself.
Tara Brach is a psychologist and author of Radical Compassion. She uses the acronym RAIN as a guide that teaches how to practise self-compassion. The following steps are adapted from Tara Brach’s article on The RAIN of Self-Compassion.
The “R” stands for Recognizing what’s going on. This is acknowledging what you are feeling, how it is showing up in your body and being consciously aware of it. Brach relates this to waking up from a trance; we can be aware of the constricting thoughts and beliefs without judging them or ourselves.
The “A” stands for Allowing yourself to feel it. Giving yourself permission to feel emotion is an empowering experience as you notice the thoughts, feelings, sensations present without trying to fix or avoid them. This also means that you do not have to agree with what you are thinking or feeling, just allow the experience to be what it is.
The “I” stands for Investigating with care. This form of investigating is done by trying to approach your experience without judgment and with a sense of kindness. Some questions that may be helpful to ask are: What most wants attention? How am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing? What does this vulnerable place want from me? What does it most need?
The “N” is all about Nourishing yourself with self-compassion. During this process, the thoughts of what you need in this moment naturally may have emerged. To do this step, Brach recommends, “Try to sense what the wounded, frightened or hurting place inside you most needs, and then offer some gesture of active care that might address this need.”
Self-compassion teaches us how to validate our own needs and how to care for ourselves when in a trance of unworthiness. Rinse and repeat.
If you need someone to talk to, contact Envision Counselling and Support Centre to find out more about our rapid access counselling, which accommodates both in-person and telephone needs. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call 911.
