I remember as a child how I adored my Nana. She was one of my favourite people, so kind, so caring and she was always on my side. When I wasn't allowed to get my ears pierced, Nana stepped in and they got done. When life was feeling all too hard, Nana was there with chicken soup and a kind word.
She always shared her wisdom in the most unique way; she corrected me without me really realizing it. My Nana was a small woman (maybe five-feet tall) but in my young and now older eyes, she was a giant. I'm sure she had her shortcomings, her challenges in life, like the rest of us - but I saw none. I saw strength, courage, wisdom and kindness. She was my Nana, after all.
Nana had an interesting role in our family. She was a great support to my parents, when it came to us kids. Nana's house was always open to us; she always welcomed us with open arms. There was always a bed ready for us, cash on hand if we needed it, and she could whip up a hot meal and fill our tummies in what seemed like minutes. She played games with us, helped us with our school work, told us stories and always connected the family dots, "Uncle who? How's that person related to me?"
Our Nana also served as a sounding board for us. When we thought our parents were being unreasonable, we'd ask Nana. When we felt they were being too hard on us, we'd go to Nana. Oh that poor lady. I think back now and see all of the stuff she dealt with and how it never seemed to faze her. Although she was our sounding board and great supporter, our parents also used Nana in their favour too.
An example of how Nana impacted and helped me through life would be the time I stole a piece of gum from our local IGA Store (sorry Mr. and Mrs. White). If my parents making me return to the IGA to admit my guilt and pay for the gum wasn't enough, they then made me stand in front of Nana and tell this sweet, gentle, kind, little lady what I'd done.
Of course, as the years went on, the situations escalated from the gum incident to other more "teen related" things - things more like bad report cards, talking back to our parents and then, of course, the peer pressure incidents. Getting in trouble with our parents was emotional enough on its own but the real sting came when we had to disappoint Nana. What clever parenting and discipline our parents used on all of us.
The "grandparent effect" was huge in my life because, as I mentioned, my Nana was an extraordinary person in my life. Now, as a grown woman and as a mother of three, I too have adopted the "grandparent Effect."
I have seen it work wonders in our home. Most recently, our eldest was "caught out" in a very minor situation that required parental intervention (a table discussion). Following our healthy discussion, I told her that the going forward part of her discipline would be to call her grandmother (my mother) and tell her what had happened and why she had found herself in certain "hot water" with her parents.
At the thought of this, my daughter burst into tears. She wept saying, "No, please don't make me do it, I never want to disappoint Grandma." I cuddled her and said, "Well then my sweetheart, whenever you are faced with a decision or are tempted in anyway, just imagine yourself standing in front of Grandma, telling her about it. It's called the 'grandparent effect' darling and trust me ... I know it works."
Friends, never underestimate the "grandparent effect." Adopt it as one of your tools and make it your own. Extended family is there, like my Nana, to support, to love, to be a soft place to land and in some cases perhaps a simple look of disappointment from a respected grandparent is all that is needed.
Susan J Sohn
susanjsohn.com/thefamilyroom
blogtalkradio.com/susanjsohn
