Don't be surprised if the price of a mug of coffee goes up soon. Apparently there is a looming worldwide shortage of coffee beans. I was certain that these beans were grown and gathered in enough countries that the possibility of there ever being a shortage was next to nil. If there was a bad crop in Venezuela, then Colombia or Costa Rica or Poland or wherever beans are found would fill the gap. But apparently that Juan Valdez guy just couldn't meet the demand this year, and no wonder, he's just one guy with a burro and two sacks. He's a little low on infrastructure. He's gotta hustle if he's gonna fill those Starbucks and Tim Hortons orders to meet your addiction to coffee. Did you notice that I said YOUR addiction. I don't have one. I'm pure. I don't like coffee. As I am fond of telling my associates "I have no idea what a good cup of coffee tastes like and have no desire to find out." What I have tasted on the few occasions I ventured there was ugly.I find it amusing that in our office, the regular morning coffee clutchers are constantly streaming toward the coffee maker thinginamajig pouring, re-pouring, commenting on how bad or good the coffee is that particular A.M. and why isn't there more being made? And if so, who is going to make it and how many scoops are you supposed to put in? And of course the response is always different. Full scoops, even scoops, heaping scoops or partial scoops. They are in the communication business, but not when it comes to coffee construction. It's a passing parade of amusement for moi since my office is situated close to the aforementioned coffee thing. That's good strategy because I'm probably the only one in the office who has no interest in the ritual and therefore not expected to craft any of the brown stuff for the inmates. I simply get to listen and observe with bemusement as the critiques are levelled at each morning's production. I then reach for my ever consistent Diet Pepsi and enjoy the distinct flavour I know I can count on each and every day. And I don't have to add mutant milk that comes in all kinds of forms and packages. OK, I get it. I have an addiction too. But hey, I don't smoke. I mean what could be worse than a cup of coffee and a morning smoke for crumb's sake. There used to be a day that people did that! Maybe some still do. I know I had to learn how to make coffee. I believe it was shortly after I got married and learned that the bride liked a morning coffee and on certain days it would be nice if I managed to get up before her and make some. So I learned the rudimentary skills and the marriage is still intact, so that can be interpreted as a positive sign! As a youngster, I lived in a household that also wasn't big on coffee. Our parents worked downtown so they usually waited until the regular mid-morning hour before they worried about this beverage squeezed from ground up beans. My sister and I, well, we never bothered with it. She married a guy who didn't care for coffee either, so they spent over 20 years with their first-ever coffee maker sitting in a box in the closet, given to them as a wedding present. Visitors to their house were offered iced tea, soft drinks, juice, water, beer or other libations. Coffee was never on the menu. That changed over time, of course, but we managed to dodge the coffee expectation world for many years. For me it ended with the loss of bachelorhood. Wedded bliss required a coffee-making skill set. So don't be insulted if I refuse your automatic invitation to "have a cuppa coffee". Nothing personal with you, or Juan Valdez. So dear diary, once again a column with no prevailing socially redeeming theme. I wonder how I can get away with it?
