There may be intelligent life out there on another planet.
So the question is ... do we go looking for it? It could be embarrassing, you know.
I understand we have deployed really big radio-like receivers and transmitters somewhere in North America and they're probing the heavens for even the slightest unexplained sounds that might signal life on another orbit.
Or it might just be tracking that short circuit in Madge's dryer.
We know the radio waves aren't being deployed in Saskatchewan because we can't even get a reliable CBC signal into the southeast sector so the chances of our technology wizards getting a message out to ET are pretty minimal.
But they're out there, I guarantee it. And who's gonna call me on it?
I thought so.
So if I'm correct, then what happens if we make a connection? What are we gonna talk about?
Let's think about that for awhile, dear diary. Forget text messages, they're not interested and again, I guarantee it.
So they've sent out a signal and we hear it.
The first question is ... should we even respond?
If we do, who does the talking? Do we want Stevie Wonder that Harper boy making the first contact with alien beings? I think not. John Baird? Heart be still! Don Cherry, get serious, he speaks none of the world's official languages.
So we sort that all out.
Celine Dion it is.
But she declines the offer so they go with the second pick ... that guy in Section G at the last Bruin home game, because we've run out of political and famous Canadian options.
Now what does he say?
"Hi, how are you. I am fine. Cold 'nuff for ya? I had to bundle up. How about that, no snow eh?
Naturally the response from ET and friends would be something like: "Huh?"
Then the guy from Section G, would try to explain what a bundle up is ... might even have to explain what snow is, and he doesn't really know because he didn't pay attention in Grade 7 science. It could be a real mess.
Also keep in mind that the guy in Section G, doesn't realize that the return message might take 780 days (or another half day if we include Newfoundland) to get back to ET and friends. Or hey, maybe it would take 780 years, if we use Canada Post. I just know I'm not gonna stick around to find out. But I can guarantee you, they're out there!
Sorry, I have to go now, the cable guy said he's coming to my house to fix my TV reception problem sometime between 9 a.m. and 5:30 p.m. Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.
You know, on second thought ... I believe if ET and company actually get a message to us, we'd better just put them on message manager and think about this thing for a little bit before getting back to him or it.
Or maybe we could just forward the call to the Canadian Senate or maybe Sarah Palin, after all, she can see Russia from her house and they're aliens too ... aren't they?
Any stray aliens wishing to correspond with intelligent life ... please don't contact [email protected] He only has a land line and can't even reprogram his remote.
