We didn't have many natural Canadian disasters to distract us this year, so we made some up thanks to our federal government and their enablers.
Oh sure, there was the excess water thing in Saskatchewan, but we were told to go dig ditches and forget about it. They forgot it's flat here, the water didn't go anywhere
So let's look back.
We had a big blowout as to when the MPs were going to be let out of school. They give it a big word prorogue, but really, it's just early dismissal. It caused a great debate in Canada.
So what else was a big issue?
How about filling out census forms. We were told by Stevie Wonder, that Harper boy, that we really, didn't have to fill out those long census forms if we really, really didn't want to. Another big flap.
Then we moved on to long guns, short guns and medium sized guns and whether or not they should be registered. This issue has been coming up every two years for the past 13 years. Nobody except 11 federal politicians seem to care and they can't make up their mind.
So our next Canadian-made disaster?
Well, it started out to be the Olympics. On the first official day, that column thing wouldn't rise out of the floor so our official candle lighters lit four instead of five fires. Some kid then attached to a rope did a Peter Pan impersonation over the flying Prairies which pretty much represented Canada's attitude toward the flatlands. They piled Wayne Gretzky into a freshly washed half-ton for an endless ride through streets of Vancouver with one of the 18 official Olympic torches, pursued by a bunch of drunks with cameras unregistered cameras I might add. He got to a harbour, where he lit another official fire and then it was immediately encased by a fence that prevented those drunks with cameras from taking pictures of it.
It all turned out OK though when a hockey player who spends most of his time in Pittsburgh scored a winning goal on behalf of Canada. That made us feel better.
Later on in the year, Stevie, et al, decided we needed to host something called a G20 Summit. They spent $1.1 billion on security and a fake lake to make the visiting journalists feel as if they were getting a true sense of Canada.
Then they unleashed the new policing agency called the Draconian Police Department at a cost of $400 million to round up 39 protesters and 433 regular Torontonians who chose the wrong day to go shopping.
In the meantime, crazy Tony Clements, in preparing his constituency for the G20 Summit which didn't even come close to his constituency, spent several millions of dollars to build a gazebo and convention centre. A few million for extra pork, never hurts the Canadian taxpayer. What the heck, the residents in Tony land may even use the convention centre once in awhile.
When it was all over we produced our scorecard in the form of polling results and told Stevie Wonder that he was OK, but we don't really trust him.
We looked at Michael Ignatieff and his summer wanderings and asked the inevitable question. Who the heck are you? And where did that Martin guy go? There was Jack Layton who kept whining that he wanted to play too.
So we looked at them all, and selected none of the above.
There was still that Duceppe character, but we're not allowed to vote for him even though he operates a nationally recognized Canadian political party whose only stipulated mandate is to not be in Canada.
Only in Canada.
