Even before the Stanley Cup is paraded around a city this June - Vancouver? Detroit? Philadelphia, Toronto? - plans should already be finalized for a players-only meeting this summer. If the players have any undamaged brains left, that is.
Call it a Self-Preservation Summit if you'd like, or a Let's Not Continue To Be Stupid Convention. But whatever they call it, the players should get together and agree to play the game the way it's supposed to be played instead of prematurely ending careers the head-hunting way they're playing it now.
When a third-line centre or a so-so defenceman gets dinged in the head and is sidelined with a concussion, it's ho-hum and a tiny headline. But when it's Sidney Crosby, the game's No. 1 star and the guy who indirectly puts gobs of money into the pockets of every National Hockey League player, it's quite another.
The catch-phrase around Pittsburgh Penguins news conferences these days is a sombre "still with symptoms." Crosby's concussion-type symptoms, developed with a Jan. 1 hit to the head from David Steckel in the outdoor Winter Classic and locked in a few days later when Tampa Bay's Victor Hedman hammered him into the end boards, have not dissipated more than two months later. The Pens whisper Crosby may not play again this season. The game fears he may never play again.
What a shame. On pace Jan. 5 for a 134-point season - the most since Mario Lemieux's 161 in 1995-96 - and ascension into hockey's Gretzkysphere, the 23-year-old Crosby is without a doubt the game's brightest star and most saleable commodity. NBC loved him. The Ovechkin-Crosby rivalry was percolating almost into a Tiger-Phil or a Bird-Magic situation. Sid was almost at the point of rivalling Bing when it came to being the best-known Crosby.
The NHL issuing fines and suspensions for head hits doesn't seem to be helping. It's time for the players themselves to put their brains to work at solving this problem, rather than using their brawn and stupidity to end careers.
Comedy writer Jerry Perisho: "The famed Carnegie Deli has already created its sandwich honouring the Knicks' newest star, Carmelo Anthony. It's pastrami, salami, corned beef and bacon, but most importantly it comes with a mirror so it can admire itself."
Eric Kolenich of the Richmond (Va.) Times-Dispatch, after Carmelo Anthony finally got his way and was traded to the Knicks: "Sometimes it's best to give the baby his bottle."
Norman Chad, Washington Post: "Amar'e (Stoudemire) and Melo (Carmelo Anthony) aren't going to lead the Knicks to the promised land, they're going to lead their fans to Foot Locker. They both are prodigious scorers and prodigious non-defenders. Melo couldn't stop a bus if he were at a bus stop. The Knicks' idea of pressure defense is having Spike Lee heckle you."
Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: "Coincidentally, every major-league baseball player reported to spring training 12 pounds lighter. Except for one: Yankees' pitcher Joba Chamberlain, who gained 30-ish pounds . . . Chamberlain, coming off a bad season, installed a gym in his home in the offseason. One unsubstantiated report is that he swallowed a 25-pound barbell plate, mistaking it for an Oreo."
Janice Hough of leftcoastsportsbabe.com: "In a Washington Post op-ed about the NFL labour situation, Senator Jay Rockefeller wrote that he'd like to see owners open their financial books to a neutral third party so that the players can see they are acting in good faith. Awesome. A trillionaire, lecturing billionaires, on how to deal with millionaires."
Brad Dickson in the Omaha World-Herald, on the death of Uga VIII, Georgia's bulldog mascot: "All the replacement has to do is stand near the bench and look good. Sometimes this is called 'sideline reporter.' "
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Pete Rose is getting divorced after 27 years of marriage. He figured he needed to cash out since he took the "under" bet of making it to 30 years."
Just to clarify," wrote Brad Dickson in the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, "an NFL 'work stoppage' has nothing to do with Albert Haynesworth in the second half of a season."
The Cubs posted a want-ad on CareerBuilders.com for a new public-address announcer. "You must be able to say 'Cubs lose' with the right mixture of empathy and resignation," wrote Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel. "But the best part of the job is you never have to work in October."
Comedy writer Alan Ray, on the Mets going to new signs this season: "For 'steal,' the third-base coach will hold up a picture of Bernie Madoff."
Another one from Chad: "This is what I can tell you about Knicks czar James Dolan: If he were to ever stumble upon the formula for Coca-Cola, by the time he was done with it, it would taste like cough syrup."
