Supporting a loved one through an abusive relationship requires a careful balance of patience, support, and firm but compassionate boundaries. The key is to empower, not control. Providing practical solutions while respecting individual choices can make all the difference.
One of the most painful challenges families face is watching a loved one struggle in an abusive relationship. The following reader is searching for a way to help her daughter leave for good.
Question: We’re very worried about our daughter, who has recently been removed from an emotionally abusive cohabitating relationship.
She has a baby with the man in question.
Although he verbally abuses her and has been charged with uttering threats, it doesn’t seem to be enough to get her to commit to the non-contact order that’s in place.
Our family is desperate to help her stay away this time, but it feels like we’re losing the battle. Every time she attempts to leave, he pulls her back in with apologies and emotional pleas. Social media makes this too easy.
We want to help but are growing exceedingly frustrated by her hesitancy. Any suggestions?
Answer: These situations are incredibly difficult, especially when children are involved.
Abused women often have their confidence shattered by constant verbal assault. Even when removed through legal intervention, they may struggle to break free emotionally, as abusers manipulate them into believing the abuse was their fault. The cycle of abuse—tension, violence, apologies, and promises to change—makes it difficult to leave permanently.
There are also financial worries, child-care concerns, and a sense of guilt that prevent women from walking away. When someone is overwhelmed by stress, imagining a different life can feel impossible.
While you can’t force someone to leave, here are some ways to provide support and encourage her to take the next step:
- Prioritize safety. Encourage her to create a safety plan in case the situation escalates. Canada has domestic violence resources, including shelters and legal aid programs. The Assaulted Women’s Helpline (1-866-863-0511) is a 24/7 confidential service. If she is in immediate danger, she should call 911.
- Help her navigate the legal system. If there is a non-contact order, encourage her to follow it and report any violations. Many provinces offer victim services programs that provide legal support, emergency financial aid, and counselling.
- Offer practical support. Assist with child care, housing, and job resources—these are often major barriers preventing a woman from leaving permanently.
- Encourage a no-contact period. Even thirty days of no contact can give your daughter the emotional space to regain clarity.
- Gently remind her of the reality of the abuse. People often return to toxic situations because they feel familiar, even if harmful.
- Acknowledge her grief. She may mourn the relationship, even though it was abusive. Let her express these emotions without judgment.
- Promote self-care. Exercise, good nutrition, and reconnecting with supportive friends and family can help rebuild her self-esteem.
- Take it one step at a time. A confused mind struggles to make decisions. Help your daughter focus on the next small step rather than overwhelming her with too many changes at once.
It’s important to know that it often takes multiple attempts before an abused person leaves for good. Studies show that many survivors return to an abusive partner seven or more times before making a permanent break. Your continued support — even when she seems hesitant — is crucial.
For further support, she can reach out to local women’s shelters, victim services, or resources such as ShelterSafe.ca, which provides a directory of shelters across Canada.
Leaving an abusive relationship is rarely a single event — it’s a process that takes time, courage, and unwavering support from loved ones. While you can’t make the decision for your daughter, your patience, guidance, and continued presence can be the lifeline she needs. By offering practical help, reinforcing her self-worth, and ensuring she has access to resources, you empower her to take control of her future. The road ahead won’t be easy, but your steady support can make all the difference. Stay patient, stay present, and remind her she’s never alone.
Faith Wood is a professional speaker, author, and certified professional behaviour analyst. Before her career in speaking and writing, she served in law enforcement, which gave her a unique perspective on human behaviour and motivations. Faith is also known for her work as a , with a focus on thrillers and suspense. Her background in law enforcement and understanding of human behaviour often play a significant role in her writing.
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