We have all heard the saying “find the silver lining” when we have to deal with a bad situation. Some folks will try to find it, while others refuse to look at all. As someone who has had their fair share of those situations, I frequently look for the good in all the bad.
I left a mentally and psychologically abusive marriage. It took me some time to find that lining, but eventually I did. I have been able to find many silver linings over the years since I left.
One year after our separation, I was listening to the radio early in the morning. The station was asking listeners to call in their birthdays and anniversaries. I got on the phone, called the station and requested that I was to be wished a happy un-anniversary. Confused, the radio host questioned what I had said and probably my sanity along with it. After explaining that it has been one year since I left my husband, I wanted to celebrate the occasion. Since then, my children and I celebrate the day we all broke free.
However, I am not all cruel and mean when it comes to those small silver linings and my ex. There have been many times I thanked him. If he had not been the man he was, I would not have become the woman I am today. I found the courage to go back to school, find myself a career I enjoyed for 10 years, purchase a home and provide stability for my children. If I had stayed, it would have been likely I would have been estranged from my family. With three growing boys, they would have been held back with extra-curricular activities due to cost, have heated arguments with their father regularly or possibly run away from the situation.
I like to believe I have raised my boys to think of others and not just themselves, which was not something their father did often. Most of the abuse I endured was verbal. It was always my fault there was no money, even though I was not handling the finances. Or the house was not clean, which was hard while babysitting two young school-aged children on top of the three babies I already had. I had to watch my groceries, making sure the kids were fed first. I am lucky my boys don’t remember that part of our lives, but I do. So, there is that silver lining.
It is always easy to dwell on the negative, we are almost programmed to think that way. By looking for the silver lining, we re-evaluate the situation, see what lessons are to be learned and be reminded of those lessons when we need them in the future. Sometimes, those silver linings are what keeps our heads held high and allow us to persevere in life.
