As promised, the Ps of daddy-hood need to be revisited, I had a pleasant reminder from our newest addition - announcing Mr. Jage Abdai.
While I would like to say he was born a beautiful baby boy, I would be entirely a hypocrite if I suggested that as with every baby, he was born wrinkly, odd coloured, and loud. Newborns are not exactly beautiful except in the eyes of the immediate family, this is not an exaggeration rather a statement that every other poppa bear on the planet would probably agree with and every momma bear is now cursing me for. This is not to say that the wrinkled little bugger doesn't get "cute" within in a few short days, but for the first four or five well, I digress.
My grandbaby (take that Momma Bear) is now a shining example of what all cute babies should look like, he's healthy, happy and definitely better looking than either of his parents.
The three Ps, though shortly forgotten, were quickly returned to the forefront as our little man came for a visit and stories were shared.
P number one - Piddle Power. Rather simple in nature, but definitely one to watch for is a newborns ability to piddle at the exact moment of being changed. It astounds me, with every baby I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, just how far and how accurately they can pee.
This is not an event solely to the nature of a boy, no ladies and gentleman, I am here to report that girls are as accurate and have in fact gotten more distance. This primal piddle function seems to occur as a cold draft hits their little privates. I suspect as they get past two days old that it may be one of God's little giggles he enjoys playing on the new mother, father or forgetful grandparent, blessed with a little grin on the newborn's face for saying they weren't all that pretty when they were born.
I would suggest a rain jacket, or potentially a large towel to catch the fizzle, as I have been informed, quickly grabbing another child or momma bear to bear the brunt of the onslaught is not a preferred method of absorption. My bad.
P number two - Power poops. While a long winded explanation is probably necessary at this point it should be pointed out these are more lethal than piddle power. While less apparent in nature at the time of opening, this happy little surprise is a combination of wind and God's fertilizer. As it turns out it is probably caused from grandpa helping the little buggers get a new diet or flavour, such as ice cream, a taste of pop or maybe even a little chocolate.
As a warning to potential grandfathers, while the fun is in the sugar and producing a vibrating little human that not only loves, but actually worships you, your impending demise is self inflicted.
Again rain jackets are suggested but in this case you may wish to include gas masks and plenty of baby powder, they sell bulk powder in large retail centres near you, also consult your grandparents warranty for any out clauses to avoid this procedure altogether.
P number three - Power pukes. In my defence, who knew bouncing babies had that kind of reaction, really it was not my fault, he smiled and smiled and there was no warning period.
Again, pointing the child in the opposite direction towards other relations is an unacceptable procedure to contain the situation. That said, the power pukes are a wonderful way for your newborn to say 'I am now done eating, done playing, sick to my tummy, cutting teeth, unhappy with your meal selection, to high, to low, ate something that came out of another animal or anything else I can lay my hands on, etc. etc. etc.'
To that end, I still recommend handing the little bundle of joy to the nearest available mommy and try not to giggle as you slowly back away.
To be candid, any parent will accept and love their responsibility regardless of the apparent nastiness to the rest of the non-reproducing humans. To all those who have not yet experienced the joys of parenthood, let me tell you, you are missing out, and being a grandparent is just one more step up that ladder. So to all you expecting fathers, you've been warned, its parenting not babysitting when the little bundle of joy is in your arms, so get in there, be the daddy and let er' buck gents.
