There's been a lot of talk about bullying at our office lately, mainly because of a new initiative we're trying. We've launched an Anti-Bullying Campaign in an effort to make more people aware of the behaviour, especially its new forms, and therefore more likely to stop it.
When we think about bullying, we invariably picture kids on a playground, with one physically pushing and shoving another.
But that's just one kind of bullying, and one age group.
Bullying actually happens in quite a few places, and among adults as well as children.
For example, I was chatting with some people last week who work as receptionists at businesses in Humboldt. These two attractive women are constantly bombarded with comments from people walking through the doors. And not all the comments are nice ones.
People say detrimental things about their clothing, their hair styles, about what they believe them to be doing at their desks, and even about their weight as they stroll on by. Some think they are being funny when they say things about their hairstyles, like " I think you should go back to the hairdresser" or "Did you fall in a bucket of bleach?" Most of the time, the receptionists say they can deal with it, slough it off, but once in a while, they admitted, some of the comments give them a lump in their throat that takes a while to go away.
What is that, if not bullying, or at the least, harassment?
These women can't say anything in retaliation, because it's their job to be welcoming and courteous. And while it makes the world a much nicer place to be when we are all courteous, even when it's not a job requirement, apparently, many people are not, or they believe it's their right to belittle others when they walk into a place of business, because no one has ever called them on it.
The point of the receptionists in talking to me about this issue was to make people aware of what they are saying, and while they may think it's all in fun, their teasing comments, or even downright rude ones, could be enough to ruin someone's day, or put a dent in their self-esteem.
What is wrong, after all, with saying something like, "You look awesome today!" instead of "Have you lost a few pounds? No? I didn't think so," or "Would you stop playing computer games and do some work?"
Instead of catty, why not be kind? Why not give someone a lift? If you do it to someone else, it's likely going to come back at you sooner or later. Some call it karma; others, "what goes around, comes around," and that's true for the bad things you throw out into the world as well as the good.
And when it comes to bullying, it's learned behaviour. No kid is born a bully. It's something they pick up on, usually from adults. After all, if you hear your mom saying mean things to the receptionist about how she is dressed, you're going to think it's okay to say the same sort of things to someone at school. And the cycle continues.
For that kind of unkindness usually isn't a one-off. It spreads from person to person, like the flu, making everyone it touches feel bad - including those who say these things. Because, let's face it, after you say something mean or catty about someone else, even behind their back, doesn't it make you feel a little dirty? A bit small?
Kindness also spreads, though not like the flu. It's more like a delicious piece of taffy. A little bit can go a really long way, and it can raise the spirits of everyone it touches.
Let's try to be kind. Leave the cattiness behind. It's time.
