Expectations. We all have them but we often do not realize the influential power they have on our lives.
It is important to preface these words by stating clearly that it is not wrong to have expectations. For example, the employer rightly expects his employee to show up at the established time and the employee realizes that he or she is expected to start work on time. The issue arises when we aren’t clear about our expectations.
Sometimes we have uncommunicated expectations from which we view and interpret the actions of others. As you know this can create a whole messy host of problems, especially in relationships with those closest to us. The subtle and poisonous expectation is one that says “he or she should know to do this or that, to say this or that, to recognize my present need, etc. etc. etc.” We know the people in our life are not God, especially those closest to us, and yet we expect them to be omniscient, all knowing.
There’s an episode in the Gospel of Matthew, specifically the parable of the workers in the vineyard, that highlights the danger of expectations based upon faulty perception (Matt 20:1-16).
In the parable, the landowner hires workers at different points during the day, and in the end, they all receive the same wage. On the surface it is easy to identify with the expectations of those hired at the beginning of the day, namely, that they should have made more than those hired at the end of the day. Yet upon closer consideration, they were paid precisely what they had agreed upon with the landowner. Rather they are envious because of the landowner’s generosity. They should have been able to rejoice with the workers who received it, since they were all in a similar situation. They were all in need of work and all likely in need of the daily wage. They all showed up not knowing whether they would get work, regardless of the time they arrived. They all should have been thankful and grateful for the work and wage they received.
The poison of uncommunicated expectations or those based on false perception must be rooted out of our lives. A healthy dose of humility, as well as a greater effort to communicate clearly the expectations we have, can go a long way. Taking stock of what we have been given also can help to put things in perspective. In fact, part of the parable’s meaning relates to the grace of conversion. Some come to the Lord early on in life and others later, and yet the reward is the same: eternal life. When we really know and appreciate this unmerited gift of grace, we are able to rejoice with all the labourers in the vineyard, especially those that arrive at the 11th hour and perhaps against all expectations.
