Ah yes, spring has sprung, the grass is riz, I wonder where all the birdees is
A poet I may not be but, I needed a catchy line to help put a smile to a face that absolutely goes *sigh!@#!&* when in March and September we must revisit Daylight Savings Time. From exuberant talk show hosts, (this means you John), to quirky newscasters reminded us with witty banter, and paper print to help us "not forget", and now with technology, we even get inundated with the whole malarkey through a viral use of Internet, e-mail, text, and sms!
I submit to thee ladies and gentleman that the whole archaic notion of daylight savings time is at best a farce and more summarily a [insert four letter explicative here] pain in the prominence rear-endical. Quite frankly I am particularly insulted by the ongoing campaign to include Saskatchewan in the stupidity.
Saskatchewan as the last-standing outpost of sanity and common sense is the only place on Earth that has it right. In a time long forgotten, daylight saving may have meant something to the people of the planet whose schedules did not include the double shift, the night shift, immediate knowledge at their fingertips or the onset of high energy drinks readily available to keep us overly alert for the next four to six hours.
Who are we saving daylight for? The farmers are up at daybreak, the shirt workers start at all times of day or night, the doctors and nurses unions would agree there is no "time of day" to start their jobs, even the radio show that inspired my rant has fellow employees who see the light of day as it rises from their office chair at their microphones. The horrendous list of people who 'don't give a damn because I got to go to work in the dark anyways!' is absolutely mindboggling. Where is the answer? Is daylight really so unpredictable we need to try to save it?
I do have an answer to my otherwise terrible conundrum of daylight saving though and why we must save it. The whole matter of Daylight Savings Time is such a mundane and horribly easy topic to recount year after year after year, that mass media uses it to fill at least six days of conversation, observe the following:
The lead-up, day before "are you ready or should we be changing daylight savings?"
The day of, "oh gosh I was late for work, I slept an extra hour, blah, blah, blah."
The post-ography, "just another day to change the clock, see you again in six months"
Without daylight savings there would be a six-day gap in media programming around the world! What would the poor announcers have to sign off with on the evening of, the radio hosts have to argue over? My gawsh man, the horror!
This is also coupled with a conspiracy by big business to exact poor reviews on otherwise perfect employees. The one day a year the overworked, underpaid, wonderfully perfect employee is exactly 60 minutes late for work, this gives the employer an opportunity to complete a 'minor fault' report and instead of a raise to prominence of vice-president of the company, the perfect people of employment are reduced to having a Christmas party and a Christmas poulet for a bonus! Balderdash, I say!
Let us begin the revolution !! Common sense people of the world unite under one banner and say to "no more!" You keep your clocks of one hour set-age and we will no longer set our clocks twice a year. No longer will we succumb to peer pressure and the diatribe of clock setters to change our clocks twice a year! Nay, I say! The time of saving daylight is no longer for humans, let daylight take care of itself and if it can't let Darwinism have sway and may daylight fade into the twilight, never to be seen again until dawn, that is.
Common sense ladies and gentleman, let the clock be!
The local yokel, Commonsense Cleotus
Editor's Note: Terry Froese, aka Commensense Cleotus, writes from his favourite Daylight Savings Time free corner of Saskatchewan near Rabbit Lake.
