MELFORT 鈥� Hundreds gathered in Melfort to honour residential school survivors and victims during Orange Shirt Day, holding each other鈥檚 hands as they walked together in a circle for a round dance.
鈥淭he orange shirt round dance and the wearing of the orange shirt is to honour residential school survivors and those who did not make it home,鈥� said Bobbi Gray, director of programs and services for Cumberland College. 鈥淭he round dance, a dance of friendship is an opportunity to come together in the spirit of truth and reconciliation, wrapping ourselves around the message that every child matters.鈥�
Last year was Melfort鈥檚 first Orange Shirt Day, and this year Gray estimated the event drew about 200 more participants.
鈥淚t warmed my heart to see people are wrapping themselves around the message,鈥� Gray said.
Orange Shirt Day was held on Sept. 28.聽
Residential school survivor Evelyn Burns was in attendance.
聽鈥淚n order for people to really understand us, where we鈥檙e coming from, to be able to listen to our story and from there they can learn and maybe help us out and just learn what we鈥檙e doing with our people and our healing journey,鈥� Burns said. 鈥淚t was a hard journey. It took me nine years to be where I am today, where I can say forgive me, I forgive the ones that hurt us and I forgive the ones at home when I came home and we were little strangers.鈥�
Burns is now 73. She became partially deaf as a result of physical abuse from teachers at the residential school she was sent to.
鈥淵ou didn鈥檛 get scolded. You see my ears? I got trouble with my ears,鈥� Burns said. 鈥淚鈥檓 wearing a hearing aid because of so many hits on the head, and I always hear humming in my ear. I鈥檓 deaf, and that鈥檚 how I came home.鈥�
She remembers teachers putting children into聽 burning hot showers, where they cried from the heat hitting their bodies.
鈥淭hey pushed us in a shower, and we never seen a shower in our life. We used a wash pump to have a bath. And there were a bunch of girls put into the shower and we were all crying because of the hot water, and then when we come out of there they put this white powder on our hair, our body, they said we had lice ... I remember when they ripped off my clothes, my moccasins. And they put them in a box and never seen them again.鈥�
She still remembers the sounds of other children crying in the evening.
鈥淚 tried to commit suicide. There was no love. There was nobody there to say, 鈥極h my, let me touch your boo boo,鈥� 鈥業 love you.鈥� There was no such thing in a residential school.鈥�
According to Burns, residential schools didn鈥檛 just affect the youth placed there, but also their families and parents.
鈥淚 lost all my family because nine years I didn鈥檛 see them there, then I came back a strange person and I was in culture shock,鈥� she said. 鈥淢y granny, they never used to drink, and alcohol was numbness ... I want them to forgive a lot of my people too. Try and understand them because there are still a lot of people out there who haven鈥檛 dealt with their story and you have to in order to go ahead.鈥�
Growing up, Burns grew to hate her mom, believing she threw her away.
鈥淏ut she couldn鈥檛 stay home, because there were no kids, and then when alcohol came into play, it separated. So when I came home there was no mom, and she died soon after. She died here in Melfort, they found her north and stuff here. Wrapped in a blanket and run over. So I never said 鈥業鈥檓 sorry鈥� to my mom until about 10 years, when I sat by her grave.鈥�
Burns said growing up without parents affected her own parenting ability.
鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 a very good parent. Well, I didn鈥檛 know how to love ... I didn鈥檛 know how to hold my babies. It was all anger, anger. Then 1978 my old man and I quit drinking. We thought it was the alcohol, but it wasn鈥檛. We kept fighting.鈥�
In 1980 she saw a sign for an inner children workshop. Participating in it helped her recover.
For white Canadians, she asks them for acceptance and to understand where the community comes from.
鈥淥ne of the things that has to be done to us is be able to accept us for what we are, and to accept that, honestly,鈥� Burns said. 鈥淢aybe we wouldn鈥檛 be like that if everything worked out good, because a lot of these young people are fighting and killing and drugging and stealing ... A lot of them didn鈥檛 deal with what they had at home. The parents sent to residential schools, we didn鈥檛 know how to love, we didn鈥檛 know how to hug our kids. My daughter has a hard time forgiving.鈥�
Burns recalled something her youngest son, who is now 53, said to her.
鈥淗e said, 鈥楳om, you鈥檙e a good mother. I was the cleanest kid on the block and I went to bed in a clean bed. I never had a louse. You were a good mother. But you were never a mommy. I don鈥檛 remember you holding me and hugging me.鈥欌��
Burns has not applied for the Indian Resident-ial Schools Settlement Agreement payout for residential school survivors who were physically or sexually abused.
鈥淭hey can鈥檛 repair what鈥檚 been done,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 lost everything. My mom, my culture, everything. That鈥檚 why I try to help other people understand us.鈥�
Burns said if she was face-to-face with one of the teachers from the residential schools today, she would not know what to say.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 know if I would be able to say anything to them because they can鈥檛 ever repair what they done to me.鈥�
