THE BATTLEFORDS — Lady Sings the Blues. What's that about?
It could be that blue is one of quilt artist Heather Hochbaum's favourite colours and that's why she's titled her first solo exhibition after the name of a famous song. But it's much more than that.
"Blue is one of my favourite colours and I have a lot of scraps of blue, so that’s part of this," says Hochbaum. "It's getting rid of those things, getting rid of baggage, and also the whole show is about my bout of depression and going into it and through and out of it."
Lady Sings the Blues, a mixed media and quilting show, is on at the Chapel Gallery now until Sept. 6. featuring the work of an artist who is a member of the Battlefords Art Club, Rivers’ Edge Quilters, Battlefords Hand Quilters and the Wilkie Quilters.
Although she majored in painting as she worked toward a certificate in art and design from the University of Saskatchewan USCAD program, her first love is fibre arts.
In her artist's statement, Hochbaum writes, "The dichotomy of the colour blue – on one hand the colour of relaxation, peacefulness, and rest; and on the other hand of being down in the dumps, pain and depression – is what I am exploring in my exhibition Lady Sings the Blues."
The colour blue is, of course, a recurring theme in the show, one which strikes the spectator upon stepping through the gallery door. The different shades of blue, says Hochbaum, colour our feelings, emotions and moods.
Looking closer reveals the skills and technique of the quilter in the forms of the construction and stitching that unite the differing works. Tightly spaced lines represent structure, safety and security, says the artist, but can also be seen a hemming one in, keeping you inside the box, bars that prevent escape. The technique called pebbles provides pathways out, but are difficult to walk on. Spirals can lead one down into the depths, but also out into the sunlight, says her artist's statement.
In talking about the illness from which she has now recovered, she says, "One of the things that always strikes me when I do tell somebody that I had depression, they kind of look around, make sure nobody’s listening and then …" she leans over and whispers behind her hand, "'I've had it, too.’"
She says, "There’s such a stigma."
Referring to a column that appeared in the Regional Optimistearlier this year about the suicide of the author's sister, she says, "I read Brian Zinchuk’s column on his sister. I just wanted to cry because that stigma is so out there, and it’s so needless."
Hochbaum believes her depression began with anxiety.
"I guess I've always been an anxious person. I remember crying in Grade 1 because I couldn’t figure something out," she says. "They say long-term anxiety can lead to depression."
Stress complicates things.
"Then I had a job that was kind of stressful and some family problems that happened and the combination of the two, just pow!"
At first, it manifested as physical pain.
"I’d had rheumatic fever when I was a kid and I thought I either had that again or I had rheumatoid arthritis."
She went to her doctor, who pronounced her in good physical health and said she could be depressed, which Hochbaum tended to dismiss.
Then, as she was taking a class in suicide prevention, the penny dropped.
As they went through the symptom checklist for clinical depression, Hochbaum realized she was experiencing those symptoms herself.
"I had all of them."
So her journey toward recovery began. She is grateful quality mental health care is available in this community. It has, in fact, a widespread reputation, she adds.
"I know people who have actually moved here because they have good care here."
Throughout her treatment, she says she learned a lot about herself as she took on "that painful walk" and believes she's come out a better person.
"I’m not as judgemental, I have more tolerance and all those kinds of things," she says.
She chose to leave her stressful job, instead taking on local positions in child care for a time. she now works on her art full-time, with a "very part-time" job at the Chapel Gallery as a gallery assistant.
She has recovered, is no longer on medication for depression and is vigilant about watching for signs of it recurring.
"I really work at not letting it get that bad again. I know my triggers," Hochbaum says, as she has no desire to return to the medication that helped her cope with depression but which made her feel flat and emotionless.
"You’re not sad, you're not happy, you’re not thrilled, you’re just floating, you’re just (a pause) there."
Depression is something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, says Hochbaum.
"People who haven’t had it have no idea," she adds. "They’ll say things like, 'Oh, just get up and do something, let that go.' No, no, you 'just' don’t."
She says, "We have such an attitude in our society about 'suck it up,' just carry on."
In addition to seeking treatment, Hochbaum also dealt with her depression by immersing herself in art and sewing. While they were made much later, the first series of four quilts in her exhibition is made with the leftovers of that time and of earlier years. They represent the beginning of her depression, "going down the rabbit hole," as she calls it.
Pointing to the variety of fabrics in one of the quilts, she says, "I kind of thought these were like little vignettes or moments in my life. You see these little kiddie fabrics? I had four children."
She points to a John Deere pattern and laughs, "My husband’s a farmer."
Some of the fabrics in the first four quilts are as old as her children.
"I never throw anything out," she laughs. "I am a product of depression-era parents, so you never threw anything out … but I had realized all this stuff was weighing me down and so I needed to get rid of it."
By that time she had also decided she wanted to make a change from traditional quilting to doing more of her own designs.
But I had to get rid of this stuff before I could move on."
She may not have been able to throw it out, but, she said, "I can make something and give it away."
In addition to the first four, she includes a piece called Went Sideways, which is a euphemism for committing suicide.
"You start with your full life and you go down to nothing," she says, pointing to the design that dwindles away. "Not that I was ever that bad, but I absolutely understand how people get there."
The next pieces in the show move into a time of plateau for Hochbaum.
"Once it gets really bad and you start on the medication, for me anyway, it was just this absence of emotion."
One piece is a made up of 30 years worth of her family's blue jean pockets (never throw anything away).
"It’s monochromatic, no highs, no lows, just flat," she points out.
Across the room is another pocket study.
"But there's one [pocket] that's weird," she says. "In the middle, it's very different from the other pockets."
It could represent herself, she says, or anyone else who feels isolated or different.
"I’ve always felt I was odd, that I didn’t belong," she says, expressing a sentiment not uncommon among the artistic.
The “middle” pieces of the show represent her arts therapy, she says. Some are about breaking the rules, like the rules broke her. Two more are her take on famous men’s art – are for the sake of beauty. Two are representative of women’s art – art for the sake of function.
Another appears to be “hanging by a thread,” as she often felt during her illness, and another is made of clear plastic, although it meets all the requirements of being a quilt.
“This was a really fun piece. It meets the technical definition of a quilt in that it has a front and a back and a middle, and stuffing, but, yeah, I think I’ll use it as a shower curtain,” laughs Hochbaum.
While the quilts of Lady Sings the Blues show her descent into and journey through depression, they also celebrate her recovery with a series of vibrant blue, orange and yellow pieces.
"I was walking down by the river in Battleford where we live. It was a beautiful fall day and the leaves were falling, and I looked up through the canopy and it was just this fabulous, overwhelming joy, and I knew I was well," she says with a smile.
The representative quilts use the brilliant blue of the sky and the bright colour of fall leaves.
"It was so intense and the leaves were so intensely coloured," she says. "And, of course, this is complimentary colour scheme so you get that vibration and movement."
This final series is made with all new material.
"By this time I was sick and tired of dealing with scraps, so all of this material is new, which is kind of symbolic on its own, because I’m well so I’m going to use new."
But she never throws anything away. Pointing to the "leaves" in the quilts, she says, "These were the leftovers from these. Then these were the leftovers from those two."
She stands back for a look at the final quilt, "I have to say it’s my favourite."
A reception for Hochbaum’s Lady Sings the Blues will be held Thursday, Aug. 13 from 4 to 8 p.m. at the Chapel Gallery.
