The Karate Kid (DVD/Blu-Ray) - Dir. Harald Zwart. Starring Jaden Smith, Jackie Chan, Taraji P. Henson. It occurs to me that without transparency, a reviewer's scores could seem unreasonable or arbitrary. So let me review this summer's remake of The Karate Kid with 100% mathematical objectivity.
The movie starts on a foundation of 1984's The Karate Kid, the ultimate '80s movie. Mr. Miyagi. Wax on, wax off. Crane kick. Obviously, we must begin at 7 out of 5 stars.
Hold on. This isn't a homage or a sequel. This is the same movie. A note-for-note remake of a full-color, modern English sports film. The only differences are that it's set in China and now it's black-on-Chinese violence instead of white-on-white. Why did this need to be made? -5.
Over two hours long. -1.
Movie features Jackie Chan. Whenever he's onscreen, everything feels like it's going to be alright. +3.
Chan doesn't beat anyone up except a pack of obnoxious 12-year-olds. -2.
Wait a minute. I am a lifelong advocate of beating obnoxious 12-year-olds. +3.
Movie stars an obnoxious 12-year-old. -3.
Twelve-year-old's mother is even more annoying than he is. -1.
Jackie Chan's character has a tragic back-story tacked on to give him depth, never acknowledged again after it's revealed. -1.
Movie includes essential training/fighting montages. I counted three. +3.
Montages lack '80s music. How else are we to know who's the best around and what will keep him down?* -1.
Movie has villainous kung fu instructor possessed by the same evil hairdo and sideburns that corrupted Martin Kove in original film. Continuity! +1.
Final score derived.Rated PG for kung fu violence committed by kids after leaving the theatre.3 out of 5.
Caprica Season 1.0 (DVD)A loosely-tied prequel to Sci Fi's Battlestar Galactica set on a planet that looks suspiciously like modern-day America.
It should be understood up front that Caprica does not attempt to be a repeat of BSG. The show imagines itself more along the lines of a typical network TV drama in which one member of the cast happens to be a giant robot. The tone and subject matter are still tense, but vastly brighter than BSG, and the characters are lawyers, CEOs, and high school students rather than starship commanders.
But comparisons are inevitable, and the trouble is that Caprica frequently lacks both the compelling characters needed for a human drama and the impact needed for a sci-fi thriller.
BSG carried with its first season a sense of awe over events and motivations on the edge of human understanding. The show was very good at giving the impression that it was smarter than we were. And while it all turned out to be nonsense in the end - the writers had even less idea what was going on than the viewers did - it was a good ride for those few episodes while it lasted.
Caprica never gives that impression. The gears and springs that work the show are visible behind the curtain from the start. These are TV characters acting like TV characters, approaching their problems with varying levels of hysteria suited to the drama requirements of the moment.
The show deserves credit for its speculative subject matter, much of which is new to mainstream (or slightly offstream) television. The concept that a person can be reconstructed based on the electronic traces they leave behind - shopping history, online discussions, and so on - is an interesting thought experiment, if not exactly realistic in a literal sense. And there is plenty of exploration on the the nature of identity, the consequences of technological lifestyles, and other popular themes of modern sci-fi.
After a lot of meandering, the pace finally picks up in the final episode. There is potential here.3 out of 5.
*Answers: Ralph Macchio; nothing.
