Unstoppable (DVD/Blu-Ray) - Dir. Tony Scott. Starring Denzel Washington, Chris Pine, Rosario Dawson.
Speed meets Twister meets Independence Day meets all those other movies you thought they stopped making in the '90s. Except it's about trains.
The whole gang of clichéd characters is brought together here for a reunion tour. There's the wise-ass rookie and the grumpy veteran with a heart of gold, both of whom are working through family issues. There's the even-grumpier veteran who sacrifices himself. There's the smart low-level supervisor who's on the side of good and who fights the bumbling boss's disastrous decisions. There's even the crazy redneck who helps save the day.
The following plot summary is completely accurate, by which I mean all of these things actually happen in the movie.
Fresh out of train academy (train training?), conductor Will (Chris Pine) teams up with Frank (Denzel Washington), a veteran engineer who dislikes Will immediately because that's what veterans do. During their first trip down the track, some fat idiot (I believe that's the character's name) accidentally sends an unmanned train barrelling at them the other way at high speeds. There's no bomb on board (mind you, the things that collide with it do tend to explode), but as we all know, a derailed train will wipe out an entire town. One character compares it to "a missile the size of the Chrysler Building," without a trace of hyperbole. After the usual narrow miss with a trainload of schoolchildren, Frank and Will realize that the suits up in their ivory tower are never going to stop this train. If they want to stop it, they have to go renegade.
That's it. They might as well shut down Hollywood right now, because no one is ever going to come up with an idea that tops a renegade train conductor. Frankly, I'm in awe of the writer who made this work.I'll begrudgingly give director Tony Scott credit as well. He weaves ludicrous ideas into suspense like some sort of Rumpelstiltskin of stupidity.
Unstoppable isn't any kind of good movie, but it has great entertainment potential. One might say it should be seen to be believed.
...Wait. A renegade elevator attendant. That might top it.
Rated PG-13 for train-on-train violence2.5 out of 5
Glorious 39 (DVD/Blu-Ray) - Dir. Stephen Poliakoff. Starring Romola Garai, Bill Nighy, Eddie Redmayne.Long-winded British period thriller.
At the outbreak of World War II, the adopted daughter of an upper-class English family uncovers clues hinting at a conspiracy to sabotage Britain's war efforts.
Uncovers them very, very, gradually, that is. Glorious 39 is technically a thriller, but it would be improper for the English to get too excited about anything. Most of the film thus involves the characters strolling around gardens, drinking tea, and saying things like, "My word, all of these murders are simply awful, aren't they?"
An interesting conspiracy exists somewhere at the heart of the story, but it's undermined by hours of wasted time, convoluted schemes, and a silly, bubble-headed ending.
The story is further weakened by unnecessary framing sequences set in the modern day. The transitions between the two time periods are cheesy, and the modern segments have a cheap feel to them that even Christopher Lee's brief presence can't shake. In the 1939 setting, Bill Nighy - the most British man in existence - is the standout.
A tolerable enough movie, but not worth the time investment.
Rated R for gratuitous male buttocks 2.5 out of 5 Unstoppable is every disaster movie ever
