聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 I was in what I thought was a serious discussion with a person somewhat (well, actually a lot) younger than me. He tried to make me understand, but I didn鈥檛 agree with his point, so he looked at me and said, 鈥淲hatever floats your boat!鈥� Huh! What does that mean? I don鈥檛 own a boat, canoe, kayak or single scull. In other words, I have no water conveyance whatsoever, including a raft to float! I have learned, however, that I don鈥檛 have to own a boat, nor does the person that I could direct this phrase at.聽
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 My cousin Myrtle Siebert, the author of The Floathouse series, From Fjord to Floathouse, lives on Vancouver Island (Askildt recommends readers visit www.myrtlesiebert.com). Her parents emigrated from Norway and her father was a logger. She has written a series of books about how she grew up living in a float house. So if in a discussion with her, would I say 鈥淲hatever floats your house?鈥� Maybe because of her Norwegian heritage I should say 鈥淲hatever floats your lutefisk.鈥� Or perhaps 鈥淯ffda! Whatever rolls your lefse.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 These phrases are not usually considered to be outright rude, but should be considered in the context of which they are used because these expressions tend to diminish or lessen the importance, value or significance of what they are used in response to. If I say, "I think the 鈥淪kriket鈥� by Edward Munch is the greatest painting ever," and you respond with "Whatever floats your boat," you are implying that my opinion is mine and of little significance.聽That response implies disagreement, and that it is not worth your effort to advance the conversation by explaining why my opinion may be flawed.聽
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 These are catchy phrases colourful enough to be memorable. But the first word is "Whatever," and that's the shrug-of-the-shoulders gesture indicating "I couldn鈥檛 care less." There are many ways to make colloquial speech in this fashion.聽
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Lawyers usually present you with an invoice outlining billable hours.聽 Perhaps instead of using a boat I could say, 鈥淲hatever winds your watch,鈥� or if said lawyer was a pipe smoker I might say 鈥淲hatever stuffs your pipe!鈥� A general insurance agent could be told 鈥淲hatever covers your accoutrements.鈥澛� And a life insurance agent might be told 鈥淲hatever covers your existence.鈥澛� A salesman might hear 鈥淲hatever seals your deal.鈥� An accountant could be enlightened by 鈥淲hatever adds your numbers.鈥� Your banker might be told 鈥淲hatever debits your account.鈥� A detergent manufacturer could hear 鈥淲hatever bubbles your suds!鈥滲e careful if you tell a policeman 鈥淲hatever glazes your donut.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 In discussion with a farmer I could say 鈥淲hatever seeds your field,鈥� and to a cowboy I might say 鈥淲hatever saddles your horse!鈥� To a bull rider I could say 鈥淲hatever bucks you off!鈥� 聽聽聽 And a corral cleaner might be told 鈥淲hatever spreads your manure.鈥� A dairy farmer could be told 鈥淲hatever whips your cream,鈥� or 鈥淲hatever churns your butter.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 A black belt karate person might hear 鈥淲hatever busts your chops,鈥� but a pugilist would just be told 鈥渓ights out!鈥� And a Saskatchewan Roughrider football player might be told 鈥淲hatever fields your goal.鈥澛� To a cross-country skier you could say 鈥淲hatever klisters your skis.鈥澛犅犅�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 To a brick layer one could say 鈥淲hatever mixes your mortar,鈥� and to an electrician, 鈥淲hatever charges your plug.鈥� A carpenter could hear 鈥淲hatever nails your studs,鈥� and when Marion was making the fence she could have heard 鈥淲hatever pounds your posts!鈥澛犅�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 A haberdasher might be told 鈥淲hatever suits your tie.鈥� The seamstress might hear 鈥淲hatever hems youup.鈥� A gift shop owner could hear 鈥淲hatever wraps your presents.鈥� And a florist might be told 鈥淲hatever blooms your rosebuds.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Some opportunities exist within the medical profession, such as (to a nurse) 鈥淲hatever heats your thermometer,鈥� and to a chiropractor 鈥淲hatever cracks your bones.鈥� To an orthopedic surgeon you could say 鈥淲hatever makes you hip鈥� and to an urologist 鈥淲hatever voids your bladder.鈥� However, I鈥檒l leave proctologists alone!
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 There you have it!聽 I have given you just a few additions to expand your colloquial English language, and the rest you have to come up with on your own. Don鈥檛 thank me, I鈥檓 just happy to help out!
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And now a few stories for your amusement.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Sven, the ma卯tre d鈥�, asked Ole, an old an experienced waiter, why he was placing the dishes so far apart from each other on the table in the private dining room.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淲ell,鈥� said Ole, 鈥淯sually the Democrats and Republicans have discussion meetings here, and for those meetings I have to place the dishes tight together and directly opposite of each other so Trump and Hillary can square off. We only serve them finger food, as I have to hide all the cutlery! But tonight we will be seating the Deep Sea Fishermen鈥檚 Association, so I have to give the members lots of bragging room.鈥澛犅犅犅犅犅�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Lena asked her little son Ole where all those muddy footprints came from. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know,鈥� said Ole, 鈥渢hey have been following me all the way from the creek.鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淒addy and I are so smart, we know everything!鈥� said 10-year-old Sven.聽
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淚s that right?鈥� said Per. 鈥淭hen tell me, what鈥檚 the capital of Mongolia?鈥澛�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淒ad knows that!鈥� said Sven.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The managing director鈥檚 blonde secretary had a computer malfunction and called tech support.聽 The following conversation ensued:
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淒o you have any windows open?鈥� said the techie.聽
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The blonde secretary answered, 鈥淣o, they are closed, but the door to my office is wide open!鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Ole and Sven were sitting on a park bench talking about old times. 鈥淚t feels like my rear end has fallen asleep,鈥� said Ole.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淵ep, I think you鈥檙e right,鈥� said Sven. 鈥淚 heard it snore!鈥�
