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Repo Men is terrible, but at least it's also gross

Repo Men (DVD/BLU-RAY) - Dir. Miguel Sapochnik. Starring Jude Law, Forest Whitaker, Alice Braga.

Repo Men (DVD/BLU-RAY) - Dir. Miguel Sapochnik. Starring Jude Law, Forest Whitaker, Alice Braga.In one of the more ludicrous sci-fi premises of the past decade, Jude Law and Forest Whitaker are "repo men" employed by a sinister medical company to take back the artificial organs of patients who fall behind on their payments.

The problem is that the organs are still in the bodies of their owners, who have grown rather attached to them-at least, to you and me this would be a problem. Our heroes have no qualms with brutally carving up debtors (and bystanders) in their homes to get back the company's property. Society seems okay with it as well, for some reason that's never quite explained.

Nevertheless, we're expected to sympathize with these gibbering psychopaths, and so we get scenes backed by touching music while Law's character's wife (Carice van Houten) leaves him-not so much because she has a problem with his serial murdering, but because it's interfering with their domestic life.

You see, it's all a heavy-handed satire (the angsty, violent kind, not the funny kind) that rolls the American medical system and the predatory lending industry into one convenient package. "We want them buying, not thinking," says the company's wicked stepfather, Frank (Liev Schreiber).

Ah, but this rampaging premise requires a plot, which means that the main character needs to get a new perspective on life. Law suddenly finds himself with an artificial heart of his own, and literally overnight he develops a conscience (he gains a heart, get it?). Naturally, he never bothers to make his payments, and I don't need to tell you what happens next.

Alice Braga (City of God) shows up around this point to give Jude Law something to make out with. There are some roles that even Forest Whitaker can't fill.

That's pretty much the end of the actual plot, although I was shocked to realize the movie still had an hour to go. Expect mountains of gory violence in the second half as Law's character applies his new-found conscience to his greatest killing spree yet. Also: to make good use of the prop budget, Braga's gaping knee wound gets slightly more screen time than Braga herself.

Watch for the twist ending that miraculously renders the film even more pointless.

Rated R for general stabbiness and poor adherence to surgical sanitary procedures.

2 out of 5.

Clash of the Titans (DVD/BLU-RAY) - Dir. Desmond Davis. Starring Sam Worthington, Gemma Arteron, Liam Neeson.

A by-the-numbers action fantasy film based roughly on the Greek legend of Perseus. Like half the population of ancient Greece, Perseus (Sam Worthington) is the illegitimate son of Zeus (Liam Neeson). Raised as a simple fisherman, Perseus makes this discovery on the same day he learns that the gods are kind of jerks, and so he embarks on a quest to thwart Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and save the city of Argos.

The 1981 original Clash of the Titans was largely a showcase of the special effects of the day. Its remake is in the same vein, which makes the sometimes lackluster effects disappointing. The film's CGI handles Pegasus and the Kraken well, but the more humanoid Medusa is unconvincing. As a whole, the film's aesthetic feels generic. The gods are basically men with beards, with the exception of Fiennes, who looks like a homeless man with a beard; and Neeson, who looks like a man with a beard wearing a blurry disco ball. Even Disney's animated Hercules had a more imaginative take on Greek mythology.

Sam Worthington aims to channel Russel Crowe in the lead role, but his character is restricted to a palette between "gruff" and "angry." The closest the other characters ever get to growing a personality is occasionally punching their leader in the face. I'm not sure where that fits on the Myers-Briggs scale. The film is missing a sense of epic scale, but the plot is at least coherent and the action is respectable. There are worse ways to spend an evening-watching Repo Men, for instance.

Rated PG-13 for mistreatment of giant scorpions.

2.5 out of 5.

The Ghost Writer (DVD/BLU-RAY) - Dir. Roman Polanski. Starring Ewen McGregor, Olivia Williams, Pierce Brosnan.

If recently asked for a list of the most boring conceivable topics for a film, British prime ministers would certainly have ranked in my top five. But Roman Polanski's latest defies such attitudes: the film is slow-paced, but only in the sense that Polanski takes his time with each shot. It never becomes dull, thanks in part to the always-watchable Ewen McGregor.

McGregor plays an unnamed ghost writer hired to complete the memoirs of former British PM Adam Lang (Pierce Brosnan)-a fictional stand-in for Tony Blair-after the original ghost dies under suspicious circumstances. McGregor's character soon finds himself at the center of a war crimes scandal and a mystery that threatens his life.

The film contains enough human drama to keep the viewer's attention while the riddle at its core slowly unfolds. The clues that come along are ordinary and circumstantial, but they add up to something significant. Unfortunately, one of the key bits of evidence is little more than a hunch by the title character, and the final puzzle piece is somewhat clichéd.

It wouldn't be entirely fair to say that the film pushes a political agenda; it's careful to avoid being pinned down that way. The allegations made about Lang/Blair are fanciful enough that The Ghost Writer feels less like a hit piece and more like a wish fulfillment fantasy. At its core is a longing for the kind of justice that never happens to powerful people in the real world.

Rated PG-13 for polite British nudity.

3.5 out of 5.

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