Two of those stories were contributed by area writer Brenda Leppington, who grew up at Bredenbury and now lives in the city.
The book is part of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and that is how Leppington first became involved.
“Chicken Soup publishes a list of titles that they will be publishing and do a “call out” for stories,” she explained. “When I saw the title ‘Navigating Eldercare and Dementia’ it got me thinking about all the experiences that I went through having both my grandparents and mother living in care homes.
“Getting old is something that we all think we can avoid, but it is inevitable.
“So helping people understand how to cope and how to help, is vital.
“It is an area that is starting to get some attention due to COVID, but it is long overdue.”
Still, Leppington headed into the process as something of a neophyte in terms of writing.
“I have no formal training as a writer, but I do contribute my love of telling stories ‘through someone else’s eyes to my Grade 8 teacher Irene Badowich from Bredenbury,” she explained. “One particular assignment was to pretend we were a vegetable and to write a story about our life, as that vegetable. That just resonated with me, and now I try to write stories that project the emotions of other people and animals.
“I would write stories just so I wouldn’t forget them, but then I would tell my stories to other people and love to see their reaction.
“I never considered having them published until another friend, Susan Harris (an author from Melville) encouraged me to submit one of my stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul. They rejected that story, but that just made me more determined to fine-tune my writing skills and try again, and again and again.
“Chicken Soup has now published five of my stories in four separate books.”
So what are the two pieces in the latest book about?
“The first story; ‘More Than Just a Blanket’, is about a Christmas gift to my mother -- a blanket -- that ending up being so much more,” explained Leppington.
“My sister had a blanket made with old family photos stamped on the material. At mom’s insistence, we hung it on the wall in her room at the care home. Mom said it was wonderful to wake up in the morning and the first thing she saw was the faces of the people she loved, and when she went to sleep at night she knew she was surrounded by her family.
“The second story; ‘Who am I Hurting?’, is about understanding that a person with dementia might have some limitations, but it does not take away from the person that they have always been.
“I would get frustrated when mom would forget who was dead and who was still alive.
“I was focused on the dementia.
“But my mom patiently explained that if she thought about it hard enough, she knew that most of the people that she loved, were gone.
“But she explained that her coping mechanism was to pretend that they were all still alive and it gave her the continuing opportunity to ‘relive a wonderful life, where she wouldn’t have changed a thing’.
“After that conversation, I realized that I no longer pitied her, I envied her.
“From that point forward, we spent hours looking at old photos and reminiscing about all the wonderful memories.”
Obviously the stories are very personal and close to Leppington’s heart, so what was the reason she chose to share them in a very public way?
“COVID-19 was the inspiration to put these two stories in writing,” she said.
“My mother passed away several years ago, so she didn’t have to endure the stresses of COVID and the various lockdowns, (but) visits from her friends and family, meant so much to her.
“I was reflecting on how excited people in care will be, when they are finally able to spend time with family again. I was also reflecting on ‘if I knew then, what I know now’. There were some things that I think as a family we did well, to support mom. But I don’t think there is a good enough understanding of dementia so that people know how to best deal with it.
“The last few years of mom’s life, we concentrated on what she did remember and not what she couldn’t remember. She might not remember what she had for lunch or who came to visit that day, but she could still remember details of funny stories of when we were growing up, or her own life as a child.
“I am so grateful that I recognized that and was able to change my focus and enjoy sharing coffee and humorous stories, until one week before she passed away.
“The thing that I noticed most was that when we talked about things from 20 years ago, she just came to life.
“However, if I asked her questions about who visited or mentioned a current news event, she would withdraw.
“Friends stopped visiting because they didn’t know how to cope with mom not responding. A few times, I witnessed that when I would pop in to see her and someone was visiting. Mom would just sit there and I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t participating in the conversation when people had made the effort to come and visit.
“Mom later told me that she was ‘too afraid of making a mistake’.
“From that point forward, I started visits by bringing an old photo and asking mom if she remembered it? Ninety-nine per cent of the time she did.
“Remembering something even if it was from 30-years ago, gave her confidence that I didn’t understand at the time.
“Once she was relaxed and confident, we would have a lovely visit. I learned to either live in the moment and discuss the weather or rabbits on the lawn, or we would regress and talk about a period of time that I knew she remembered.
“So I guess, I am just hoping that I can help someone else by sharing what lessons I learned.”
Was there a reason for the two stories in particular as there were likely many Leppington might have written about?
“I guess those were just the two memories that stood out to me the most as to how seemingly little gestures can make so much difference to a person with dementia and how much more enjoyment you can get out of the time you have left with that person,” she said.
“One story is about what we did right, and one story is about learning something about myself and my own attitude towards dementia. But it was my mother with dementia, who shared a valuable life lesson with me. Don’t focus on what you have lost, focus on the memories of a life well lived.”
The process was also “cathartic,” said Leppington, adding “the feed-back from others has been very positive.”
The writing process itself was actually rather straightforward for Leppington who was manager of Health Information and worked in Kamsack, Regina, Melville and Yorkton.
“The writing of the stories was actually quite easy, as they were events that I thought about many times and it was now just a simple matter of recording them,” she said. “I guess one contributing factor was my involvement in policy development and writing instruction manuals, during my career. I learned how to make something readable, and easy to understand through trial and error, of course.”
The stories are ultimately part of a much larger collection, a collection which shows a common bond among the writers.
“When I read the entire book and submissions by other people, I realized just how much we all had in common,” said Leppington. “You think you are alone in dealing with someone with dementia, but you are not.
“I read many of the stories and could identify with what they were going through.
“What a person doesn’t realize is that dementia can come in many forms, and range from mild dementia to the late stages of Alzheimer’s. The education and information is improving and I believe that people are getting better at dealing with a diagnosis of dementia, but there is still an element of fear. You hear that someone has ‘dementia’ and you are afraid to visit them. There is still that element of fear and lack of understanding that exists.
“I could also see that in staff. Some staff members had such compassion and insight into what a resident was dealing with. Others, either didn’t understand or didn’t care, and watching the response of the resident -- I am not referring to just my mother -- was so interesting. Just observing two different approaches, made such a difference to the reaction of the person with dementia.
“I will give you one example. My mother had a toy cat. She always loved cats so her toy cat, was precious to her. She would hold and stroke that toy cat for hours. It was calming for her.
“Some staff members would come to take mom to the dining room for supper and ask her where she thought the cat would like to sleep while she had supper? Generally, mom would point to her bed and she would hand the cat to the staff member to place on the bed. They would proceed to supper.
“Other staff members would grab the cat from mom and throw it on a chair and when mom would object, they would say ‘It’s just a toy!!’ Mom’s objection would be viewed as aggression and treated as such.
“The staff who are caring and treat residents like family, do not get as much credit or recognition as they deserve. There are some wonderful care givers that added so much to mom’s last years. They have very difficult jobs and tend not to be the ones in the media.”
Reaction to the stories, and the book, have been good too.
“I have actually had quite a bit of feedback,” said Leppington. “The first person to read my stories was a close friend. She was a nurse at the Nursing Home and cared for my mother. She was familiar with the blanket that I referred to, and was the one that strongly encouraged me to try to have it published.
“I shared the stories with family and close friends and got the same encouragement.
“Once the stories were published, I reached out to the Saskatchewan Population Health and Evaluation Research Unit and donated 10 copies of the book. They responded that they enjoyed the stories and intended to share with various caregivers. They also informed me that Yorkton-area organizations are collaborating on a U of R project to support older adults living with dementia, so my interaction with them was timely.
I was also contacted by Alison van Schie of Alongside Caregiver Consulting from Vancouver Island. She read my stories and felt they had so much relevance to the services that she is trying to provide. She provides supports to caregivers, both family and professional, who are caring for someone with dementia. She also has a podcast (Island Treasures) where people can tell their stories and provide encouragement and insight to listeners who may be in the midst of their own caregiving journey.
“It is a source of wisdom and empowerment so that caregivers do not feel they are alone. I have listened to many of her podcasts and with my permission, she has referred to my story about the blanket, in one of her most recent podcasts.”
