It鈥檚 that time of the year again! Most of us feel that we must make resolutions to be followed in the New Year. It鈥檚 kind of a tradition.
I did some research, and found the following: 鈥淎 New Year's resolution is a tradition, most common in the Western Hemisphere but also found in the Eastern Hemisphere, in which a person makes a promise to do an act of self-improvement.鈥� The tradition is actually of very old religious origins. Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts. The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus (the Roman god of beginnings).
In the Medieval era, the knights took the "peacock vow" at the end of each year to re-affirm their commitment to chivalry. At watchnight services, usually done late on New Year鈥檚 Eve, many Christians prepared for the year ahead by praying and making resolutions. Other religions have similar traditions of the true believers, making resolutions of personal improvements to be implemented in the coming year.
One of my wife鈥檚 New Year鈥檚 Resolutions is to continue to interact with our little granddaughter Casey, and try to teach her a few Norwegian phrases.
鈥淲e have to be careful,鈥� she said, 鈥渂ecause I understand Justin has started to pray for her.鈥�
鈥淲hat do you mean?鈥� I asked. 鈥淚s he getting religious?鈥�
鈥淚 don鈥檛 know,鈥� said Marion, 鈥渂ut every night after Justin has tucked her in, he says, 鈥淭hank God she鈥檚 in bed!鈥�
Personally, I state the following: After I dissolve all outstanding previous (which is basically all of them) New Year鈥檚 resolutions back to when I first made them, I will make the following resolutions, but not necessarily implement them in the order that they are listed:
1. I resolve to work with neglected persons. (Myself firstly, and then others if I have the time).
2. I will not ignore my snail mail, but I might not respond with the same enthusiasm with which I respond to my e-mail.
3. When I hear a funny joke I might pass it on if I feel it meets my strict quality standard benchmark (which is pretty low).
4. I will find out why the correspondence course on "mail fraud" that I purchased over a year ago, never showed up.
5. I will perform the three 鈥渟鈥檚鈥� (s鈥�, shower and shave) and get dressed before Skyping with my Norwegian relatives, because I don鈥檛 really want to scare them!
6. I will write stories that others find funny, not stories just to amuse myself!
7. I will never again express my opinion in a way that bars discussion!
8. I will always chastize whoever has an opinion different than mine!
9. I will wear nice pants rather than my comfy (sweat) pants in public.
10. I will stop repeating myself over and over again.
11. I will wear nice pants rather than my comfy (sweat) pants 鈥�. oops I already said that!
12. I will set firm attainable fitness goals, but don鈥檛 tell anybody and ignore them whenever required!
13. I will be mindful of others鈥� wants and desires, but always make sure that I will benefit personally!
14. I will discard the old excuses for why the New Year鈥檚 resolutions could not be accomplished, and come up with new ones.
15. I will not give up on fatty foods ever!
16. I will not interfere with my wife鈥檚 work projects, but not when I think she鈥檚 wrong!
17. I will not pass wind in the produce section of the grocery store; only leave malodorous lingering farts in the aisle with the toilet paper.
18. I will not ask for a flight schedule to Norway at the WalMart information counter.
19. I will not go into the fitting room at WalMart, close the door and ask for toilet paper!
20. I will always think positive, as in all the foregoing resolutions are positively all crap!
On New Year鈥檚 Day, two guys were sitting next to each other at a bar in Toronto. Both had been there for a while and were sipping on Kokaneedraft beer. One of them turns to the other and asked, "So where are you from?"
鈥淚鈥檓 from Norway,鈥� he said with a slight slur.
鈥淢e too!鈥� exclaimed the other chap. 鈥淟et鈥檚 drink to that!鈥�
Both finished their beers and ordered two more.
鈥淲here in Norway are you from?鈥� inquired the first guy.
鈥淥slo!鈥� said the other guy and proceeded to burp.
鈥淢e too!鈥� aaid the first chap. 鈥淟et鈥檚 drink to that!鈥�
They polished off their beers and ordered two more.
Where in Oslo?鈥� asked the first guy.
鈥淥n the peninsula where the Viking Ship Museum is,鈥� came the reply.
鈥淲hat a coincidence! Me too!鈥� exclaimed the first chap. 鈥淟et鈥檚 drink to that!鈥�
They both finished their beers and ordered two more. 鈥淐lose to the museum?鈥� he asked.
鈥淣ah, next to the grocery store,鈥� came the reply.
鈥淲ow! This is unbelievable! Me too.鈥�
They clinked glasses, drained them and ordered two more drafts.
鈥淲hat was your mother鈥檚 name?鈥� asked the first guy.
鈥淓sther!鈥� was the reply.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 believe this!鈥� he said. 鈥淢ine too!鈥�
They could hardly sit on the barstools at this point, so the bartender called them a cab and sent them on their way. The owner of the bar called to ask how the evening was going, and the bartender informed him that it had been rather quiet. However, the Askildt twins had been there and got sloshed again.
