BUCHANAN - Practical jokes and their consequences were the subject of much hilarity at the Buchanan Black Box Players production of Parlor Games on April 24-26.
Written by James C. Wall, the synopsis for this bizarre comedy reads as follows.
“Practical joker Mort McNulty hosts his own wake so that he can hear what people will say about him after he’s dead, before he’s dead. Mort’s wife, Tricia, gets unwillingly drawn into the action and apologetically tries to convince everyone that Mort is just playing another joke. But they convince themselves that Mort is dead and Tricia is in denial. The mistaken identities, chases, and jokes within jokes culminate in Tricia turning Mort’s wake into a surprise birthday party as she tries to teach her husband a lesson about practical jokes.”
The BBBP production was co-directed by Pat Leung and Sharon Murray. Murray said they chose this script partly because they had enough actors to fill all the roles, but also because “It’s a new idea and it’s different, we always like to try something different.”
We meet Tricia McNulty (Erin Graas) as she enters the Thompson and Son Funeral Home to catch up with her husband Mort on his 30th birthday. Until now, Tricia has been enjoying a relatively slow day, but that good feeling disappears when she finds out that Mort is in the process of executing some sort of elaborate practical joke on his friend (and practical joking rival) Dave Collins (Steven Wyonzek).
TRICIA: (reading from the paper). “Mortimer McNulty- age 30, beloved husband of Patricia, loving father of Ellen and David – owner of McNulty Sporting Goods, 384 Michiana Street –
MORT: Free advertising!
TRICIA: (continues reading) “– died suddenly of a heart attack Friday. Services Saturday, 6 p.m., Thompson and Son Funeral Home.” Oh my God! How did this get in the paper?
Mort admits setting the whole thing up, adding, “This will top anything Dave has ever pulled on me.”
When people begin to arrive, Mort, in his very convincing dead pose, gets comfortable in a Lazy Boy chair.
The first arrival is Roberta Kluzinski (Tammy Senholt), whose Aunt Wanda recently died, and whose flowers Mort has stolen to add authenticity to his practical joke.
She sees Mort in the chair and starts some small talk, but eventually gets freaked out by the thought that she might be making conversation with a corpse.
Dave is next to arrive, completely convinced that Mort is, in fact, dead. When Tricia tries to persuade him otherwise, Dave believes she’s in denial.
Soon after, Judge Fahey (Ernie Kozak) enters, except attending a wake is the last thing on his mind. He is dressed up in an eye-popping Carmen Miranda costume, and he is here because his car broke down, looking for a ride to the local country club. He does his best to make it very clear that he is not a cross-dresser.
TRICIA: I love your dress, Your Honour,
JUDGE: Thank you. I must apologize. There’s this silly party at the country club tonight. Some friends I golf with – we have this friendly little wager – about who will show up with the best costume.
As outrageous as that was, the fun is just starting. Officer Kay Ingalls rushes in and pulls her gun on Dave, who has apparently abandoned her at the altar.
KAY: Subject was about to participate in a civil ceremony – to wit – a wedding. At the home of the justice of the peace, the perp changed his mind, reneged on oral marriage contract- to wit-“Will you marry me? I will.” Said perp fled the scene, abandoning the party of the second part.
While Kay explains the situation to Tricia in more detail, Dave takes advantage of the opening and flees the scene.
Before too long, there are three coffins in the room. Since he’s not having any luck finding a ride, Judge Fahey decides to look inside one of the coffins, and finds Harley Allenbrand (Bob Edwards), funeral home employee, talking in his sleep.
Tricia takes the opportunity to ask Harley about the three women who have just entered; Grandma, Ma and daughter.
HARLEY: They’re pros. They eat their way through four or five services a week, or as many as death allows.
Tricia, who still can’t believe the nonsense that her husband is trying to pull, now has to deal with these three women trying to find out when the food will be served.
Meanwhile, as Dave and Judge Fahey are trying to maneuver Mort into one of the coffins, Grace McNulty (Sandra Nordin), his obviously distraught mother who had been working on a float at the local rest home, comes storming in.
GRACE: (to Tricia). You never have liked me, have you?
TRICIA: Would you like to sit down? How’s the float coming?
GRACE: Oh fine! Just fine! I was stuffing pieces of newspaper into chicken wire and what do I see? My own son’s death notice, which no one has told me about. I get a cab over here and find you swinging him about like a sack of yesterday’s potatoes.
When they have a moment alone, Tricia and Mort are obviously not in agreement over how the “wake” is going.
MORT: This is great, isn’t it? (TRICIA stares at him in silence, growing angrier by the second. She goes for his throat, but he sits all the way up and she misses.) C’mon! You’re having fun, admit it!
TRICIA: This is the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever- Do you realize your mother is nearly hysterical?
MORT: She gets hysterical when I don’t eat my broccoli. Can you believe Dave and Officer Storm Trooper were eloping tonight?
After Tricia exits to check on their kids, Mort switches coffins in a search for a more comfortable fit. Harley and a co-worker (Darryl Goossen) come in and roll the coffin away, totally unaware that Mort is inside.
In the final scene of Act 1 we see Roberta searching for the body of her Aunt Wanda while Tricia can’t figure out what happened to her husband. Could he have ended up in the crematorium oven?
HARLEY: Never seen anything like it! Once it starts, it’s up to 1,700 degrees in no time flat!
TRICIA: You mean – oven – don’t you?
HARLEY: The oven!! – (He stops short and they all pile up behind him) That’s where I put the third one!
TRICIA: You put a coffin in – Oh my God!!!
TRICIA/DAVE/KAY/GRACE: MORT!!!! (All go running off)
As Act 2 opens, we discover that Mort has not, in fact, been cremated. But instead of being relieved, he seems more intent on brainstorming ideas with Tricia to attract more mourners to his wake.
Dianne Kukelski (Joanne Sadler), who is now a nun after dating Mort in high school, arrives to pay respects. She runs into Tricia, who is having trouble trying to remember her.
TRICIA: Whatever became of you? We didn’t hear much after high school.
DIANNE: It’s Sister Dianne – actually. I joined the convent – the Sisters of the Divine Words. (She turns and places a rose on top of MORT). Mort, I forgive you. (She then turns to TRICIA). It’s part of my 12-step program.
When Dave arrives, still thinking Mort is dead, he offers champagne and food to Tricia. She asks him about having cold feet about getting married, and offers her own experiences in that area, well aware that Mort is listening.
TRICIA: I had second thoughts the morning I married Mort. When I heard the organ start to play, if I’d been near a car with the engine running, I would’ve been out of there in a second! It’s just your normal jitters.
With Mort apparently out of the picture, Dave proposes to Tricia. Just then, Officer Kay barges in, grabs the nearest vase of flowers, and confronts them, starting with Dave.
KAY: I knew you were up to something! But I never dreamed – (Turning on TRICIA) – that you! – would betray me like this!
During their next moment alone, Tricia lets Mort have it with both barrels.
TRICIA: Our friends Dave and Kay were eloping but now he’s proposed to me- which is just a joke, of course. The judge is in drag – which is also a joke, and poor Roberta’s Aunt Wanda has been cremated- rather than being stuffed – which maybe was a joke – and all because of you, Mort!
Mort goes back to his “nap” as Roberta enters, and she’s probably angrier than anyone, after her aunt’s body was mistakenly cremated.
ROBERTA: I’ve called the newspaper and told them everything. They’re going to break this scandal wide open. As soon as they come back with the story on this pig roast, they’ll send a reporter and a photographer over here and –
JUDGE: You mean a reporter’s coming over here? Oh my God. If they get a picture of me in this getup- (He looks at his watch) – I’ll lose the bet and I’ll lose the next election! This is the worst night of my life!
Meanwhile, a despondent Roberta is desperate for a way to memorialize her Aunt Wanda. Tricia, recalling that Roberta is the superintendent of county schools, sees a great opportunity for the McNulty sporting goods store.
TRICIA: I’ll outfit all your girls’ teams – you name it. Softball, tennis, basketball, swimming, golf, track- all of them. And I’ll do it for 10 per cent off my cost- cash.
Roberta gratefully accepts the offer.
The judge soon has something to distract him from his troubles. Tricia, in a moment of mischievous brilliance, convinces Dave and Kay to stand in for herself and Mort. She would like to renew their vows, before they “bury Mort,” but needs to comfort Mort’s mother. So, it’s actually Dave and Kay who end up getting married.
Eventually it’s all too much for Mort and he rises up out of his coffin, much to the shock of everyone present, except, of course, Tricia.
With the knowledge that her son is very much alive, Grace gives Mort a glare that quite possibly makes him wish he really is dead.
GRACE: You’re making Tricia an equal partner in the store!
MORT: Says who?
GRACE: Says me! And I own most of the stock.
When they are finally alone, Tricia has a question for Mort about the nun who came to pay her respects.
TRICIA: What does Diane Kukelski need to forgive you for?
MORT: Promise you won’t kill me… When we broke up, I told her I couldn’t see her anymore because- I wanted to become a monk.
TRICIA: A monk?
MORT: I never was any good at breaking up.
Tricia admits everyone was in on the practical joke she played on Mort. His surprise birthday cake arrives, and as a way of giving Mort his “just desserts” for making everyone think he was dead, Tricia and Grace wipe the cake all over his face.
Sharon Murray said there were only a few empty chairs for Thursday, and the venue was packed for the weekend performances.
Murray admitted there were some concerns that everyone would be ready, but the cast appeared to peak at just the right time.
“There were lots of laughs from the audience, they seemed to get all the jokes,” said Murray. “By the weekend, cast members were really hamming it up. When Judge Fahey (Ernie Kozak) came out in his Carmen Miranda costume, everyone laughed.”
Murray said there were approximately 35-45 people involved in making the production happen.
“It takes a lot of people, we’re so appreciative of how, in a small community like ours, everyone pulls together.”
Murray and co-director Pat Leung would like to express their appreciation for all those who bought tickets and all the volunteers who gave their support.
After the final curtain, there were plenty of positive audience comments, including “It was really fun, can’t wait for next year.”
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